Dirty Little Secret
by KissMeDeadlyT-T
Summary: Prussia has a dirty little secret. Canada has a dirty little secret. Prussia writes. Canada draws. Neither of them know about each others' little kinks, and when Canada finds out about Prussia's... well, he and Prussia end up bonding over their secret habits. Rated for implied stuff, sexual content and just general stupidity (Prussia). PruCan. NOT a lemon.


**KissMeDeadlyT-T: I'm bored, it's snowing, and I'm skyping my cousin and she won't stop talking about PruCan. She's like "OKAY THAT'S IT BITCH GO FUCKING WRITE ME A FIC RIGHT NOW. MAKE IT PERVERTED BUT DON'T PUT A LEMON IN CAUSE I DON'T WANNA READ THAT SHIT." So I am like... Okay... And just started typing, and created this... odd, crack fic. Thingy. It's so stupid... **

**Warning: Prussia being a pervert, Canada being a pervert, PERVERTS, PERVERTS EVERYWHERE, but like there is no actual sex or anything. But like there is some mentioned things. And like yaoi and implied sexytiemz. Ugh, I don't even know if it should be rated M or not. Oh shwell~ Human names used in dialogue. **

**Set in like a Gakuen Hetalia thingy. Prussia and Canada are roomies! :D (It makes sense, shh.)**

**xxXXxxXXxx**

_Click click clack click click_

The ominous clicking sound seemed to be getting louder and louder. Canada brought the blankets up to his chin, purple eyes looking widely and unseeingly into the dark dorm room. Without his glasses he was even more blind than he normally would be in the dark; all he could see was a faint glow coming from somewhere to the left of his bed. Even when he shut his eyes he could see it, staining his eyelids orange. His eyes flicked back towards it nervously. It seemed like... it was coming from Prussia's side of the room.

"Prussia?" he whispered into the dark, but there was no answer. He swallowed.

_Click clack click click click, clack click_

Canada swallowed again. There was no need to be so nervous, he told himself. Watching horror movies with his brother before bed was definitely _not_ something he was going to be doing again anytime soon. His mind was reeling. What the hell was making that sound? Was it—_No Canada stop it you're being stupid. It's probably just Romano and Spain going at it in the next room. Wait that makes no sense. It wouldn't be a clicking sound... What the hell am I even thinking? _Maple, but he was tired.

He cleared his throat and tried to speak again. Despite his inner reassurances, he was still sort of leery. "Gil?" he asked, voice shaking.

A sudden movement and a gasp made Canada squeak and jump and reach for the splintered hockey stick he kept under his mattress in case of emergency (i.e. drunken Francis barging in at midnight or Ivan demanding everyone to become one with him). Then Prussia whispered, "Birdie?" and Canada calmed down somewhat. But it was weird. Gil didn't sound right. He sounded all... odd. And suspicious.

_Oh maple, what if it's not even Gil. A demon totally possessed him. It would be so easy, he's so stupid, and he'd make a deal with the Devil for a stupid bag of wurst._ "Are you... actually Prussia?" he asked slowly. _I am an idiot._

A short laugh. "Of course it's me. Can't you feel the awesomeness in here? It's practically coming offa me in waves."

Canada rolled his eyes. That was definitely not a demon. He scrambled blindly on his night table for his glasses. Shoving his bangs out of his eyes, he put them on and flicked his bedside light on. Prussia's red eyes looked at him nervously.

"What are you doing?" he asked as Canada started pushing his covers off. His voice was even harsher than usual, Canada noticed. He must be tired. Prussia shut his laptop (which Canada supposed must have made the glow he'd seen earlier, and he felt really embarrassed for being so cowardly and scared and well... America-y) and swallowed hard, his pale face turning pink as Canada sat up and stared at him.

"What were _you_ doing?" the blond asked suspiciously. "Gil... were you watching porn again?"

Prussia let out a nervous version of his _kesese_ laugh. "_Nein_, Birdie, I was—_not_ doing that."

Canada's violet gaze was unwavering. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah," Prussia smirked, "because if I was really that horny, I have a perfectly sexy boyfriend to bother. By the way, why are you in your own bed again?"

"Because I told you, I'm sick and I don't want you to catch it." Canada flushed. "I mean, if you were really horny, fine, I mean...whatever... but what were you doing? You were pretty quick to close that laptop." Prussia looked guilty, his face reddening again. Canada smirked a bit. "I think I may need to contact the editors of Oxford's Dictionary of the English Language."

"What?" Prussia asked blankly. "Why?"

"They clearly need to redefine 'guilty' as Gilbert Beilschmidt."

Prussia snorted. "If they're going to define anything by me, it's going to be 'awesome'."

"Your face is so red." Canada stood up.

Prussia scrambled to hide his laptop under the covers, trying to look nonchalant but instead looking incredibly guilty. He curled up on top of it in a strange _draw me like one of your French girls~_ pose, and Canada half-expected him to start hissing 'my precious', but instead Prussia just wailed, "You're siiiiiick! You can't come over here, I-I... I have a weak immune system! Oh God I can already feel myself getting sick! _Aaahhhh—"_

"Oh, shut it. Your immune system is fine. Can I have your laptop?"

Prussia's lip quivered. "You can't see."

"And why not?"

"I'm ordering you a Christmas present!"

"It's April."

"S-so? It's... a really early present, Birdie!"

"I am convinced you were watching porn."

"I wasn't!"

"I think you were."

"_Nein—_No!I wasn't!"

"You could have asked, you know."

"What?"

"To have sex."

"I would have if I was horny! Which I so completely am not!" Prussia paused. "Well. Maybe a little."

Canda rolled his eyes. He climbed into Prussia's bed and the albino stared up at him with wide eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I am sleeping in your bed."

"I thought you didn't want to 'cause you're sick?"

"I decided I don't care."

"Okay then." Prussia seemed to relax and forget the important task of guarding his laptop. As soon as his guard was down and he wrapped one arm around Canada's waist, sliding his eyes shut and shighing softly, Canada pounced. Prussia squeaked in alarm as Canada's hands dove under his stomach to grab the laptop. "_Nein,_ Birdie—!"

"Sorry, Gil." Canada danced away, skilfully entering Prussia's password IAMAWESOMESUCKMYFIVEMETERSBI TCHES to unlock the laptop. Prussia was staring with wide, horrified eyes, his face steadily growing darker.

"Mattie..."

Canada grinned. "Come on, you know I don't actually care what you're doing, right? I'm not one of those overly attached boyfriends. I'm just curious to see if you have any decent porn."

"B-but... I don't..."

Canada's grin faded when all he saw on the desktop was a minimized Word document. "Oh, how boring," he pouted.

"What?" Prussia said overly loudly. He grinned in a way that was so fake it made Canada feel slightly creeped out. "WAHAHAHA! I know right! MICROSOFT WORD. So damn boring! So, how 'bouts you give it back?"

Canada raised an eyebrow. "You're terrible." He looked back down at the screen and slid the arrow over the document.

Prussia let out a wail and started to get up. "Don't read it don't read it don't read it!"

"Why not?"

"B-b-because—I-I-it's—"

"Just a peek?"

"NOOOOO!"

"Come on, what could be so bad? Are you plotting World War Three?"

"Don't open it!" Prussia jumped up and tried to tackle Canada to the bed, but Canada moved to the side and Prussia ended up landing facefirst into the rumpled sheets. When he looked up, he saw Canada staring at the screen with wide purple eyes, his cheeks slowly turning pink. After a moment, his mouth fell open and he slapped a hand to it. Prussia groaned and let his face fall back into the mattress. Well, that was it. Now his dirty little secret was out.

"Prussia..."

"Mphhmmrphhh."

"...Um, I... gosh..."

"Mmf."

"I don't know what to say."

"I told you not to look!" Prussia wailed.

"So... you weren't watching porn. You were writing it?"

"Oh god. Oh god. _Mein Gott,_ I need to kill myself." He started wrapping the sheets around his neck but stopped. "Wait I am awesome, I can't do that. Ahh, damnit..."

Canada, not really listening to Prussia' babbling, cleared his throat then read in a wobbly voice, " 'Matthew moaned, his voice muffled by the gag in his mouth. His eyes, nearly black with lust, widened and stared in lustful fear at the riding crop sliding down his bare chest, and he whimpered when it brushed over a sensitive nipple. Cheeks red, his eyebrows furrowed in ecstasy and—' " He stopped abruptly, eyes wide. "Maple," he hissed. "_Gil._"

Prussia had now decided that he was never going to talk again ever and sat there with his face in the mattress.

"Is this smut about _me_?"

With that, Prussia stood up and tried to flee from the room, but had a dizzy spell from standing up too quickly and promptly ran face first into the wall. He crumpled to the ground with. Canada hurried over to him, carelessly tossing the laptop onto his bed, and demanded, "Are you okay?"

"Nope. I'm dead now. Say goodbye to my awesomeness because it's going to be gone soon."

Canada rolled his eyes and mumbled, "He's fine." He cleared his throat and raised his voice. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Gil..."

"Yeah I do," Prussia sniffled. "Now you think I'm a freak."

"Because you like to write about fucking me?"

Prussia looked ready to run away again. Canada held him down. "It's fine," he said reassuringly. "It's not like we've never had sex before anyways."

"Y-yeah, but—never like, um, like _that..._"

"I wouldn't object if you wanted to try it out one day."

Prussia's crimson eyes widened hugely and he turned beet red. "R-really Birdie?"

"Sure," Canada grinned. "We all have our quirks, and I'd love to be the masochist to your sadist."

"_Mein Gott..._" Prussia whispered, looking like he was going to faint.

"Since we seem to be sharing our fetishes , there's something I should show you."

Prussia looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"If I go over there," Canada pointed to his dresser, "will you promise not to run away?" When Prussia made no response, Canada sighed. "Gilbert."

"Okay, fine."

Canada hurried over to his dresser. He opened the second drawer and scrambled through some T-shirts until he found a duotang hidden inside of a plain gray tee. Prussia eyed him curiously as he flipped through the contents, flushing and nodding. Prussia eyed him curiously.

"What's that?" he asked.

"I'll show you," Canada said, crawling back over. He handed the duotang to Prussia with red cheeks and mumbled, "Open it. Open it and you'll see you're not the only one with... kinky habits."

"Okay..." Prussia said slowly, opening the folder. He stared inside for a moment, turned the reddest he'd been all night and wailed, "Mattie!"

Canada grinned, although he was blushing like crazy too. "What?" he asked coyly. "It's the shading, isn't it? I definitely should have shaded your legs better. And maybe made your hair messier." When Prussia just gaped, he took the duotang and fished through it until he found what he was looking for. He held it up, snickering when Prussia meeped and stared at it with huge, unbelieving eyes.

"Is that... me?"

"All of it is," Canada admitted, putting the erotic drawing back with a small smile. "Well, there's some of others—like don't tell, but Germany paid me a lot to draw him Italy and paid me extra not to tell."

"Hah! West is such a perv."

"So are you," Canada grinned. "And me."

"Oh god... oh god..."

"Maybe we could team up," Canada said. "If you wrote and I drew, we could become famous erotica novelists. We could even talk to Japan and become hentai mangakas."

Prussia was obviously still in shock at seeing his quiet, shy boyfriend's naughtier side, but he could help but laugh at this. "Holy crap, that would be awesome..."

Canada's grin widened. "So can I read some of your stuff?"

Prussia turned red again. "Um, I don't know... I... am into some pretty... hardcore... um..."

Canada's grin turned into something more like a smirk. "You're not the only one. You know how hard it is to draw you in only your old pirate coat fucking yourself with a loaded gun?"

Once again Prussia suddenly looked like he was going to pass out. "You—?"

"Sure did."

"Fuck that's hot. I'd fuck me."

"I would too. So what do you say?"

"Well... okay. Fine." Prussia bit his lip. "As long as I can look at your drawings."

Canada grinned evilly and Prussia decided then that it was probably a good thing his boyfriend was so under-noticed and ignored— the world really didn't need another psychotic, sex-crazed country in it. Canada handed him the green duotang. "There're more in the second drawer, Gil. Go wild."

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Yeeeeeeeuuuuuup . Well on that note, I'm gonna go grab some meter sticks and actually measure how long five meters is. It makes me wonder.**

**Wanna review? I mean you don't have to but like... it would be awesome if you did. What would happen if you wrote a review is that the Bad Touch Trio will pop up in your room and sing you Overflowing Passion and you will combust in joy. I am kidding this will not happen. If it did I would review my own story 428 283 527 929 999 times. D: D': D'x**


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